• Blog
  • gallery
  • About Me
Menu

Maureen Maniquis

In Between The Dust
  • Blog
  • gallery
  • About Me
×

Frayed Edges

maureen maniquis November 19, 2015

Disappointments can really take you down if you let them.  I feel like I am in a constant struggle to rise above the fray of hopes dashed.  Just when I think the weave is taking shape and holding strong, sure enough, the edges begin to unravel and fall apart.  The endless words of hopeful prayers seem as empty as a broken glass.

I’m usually that person who sees the light at the end of the tunnel, the silver lining in the cloud, the glass half full.  I’m the one who encourages others to see that everything is from the hand of God and has its good purposes.  But every now and then, I unravel.

You see, sometimes deep down, I question God’s love for me.  I read about it.  I know it in my head.  But my heart doesn’t feel loved by God.  When those edges begin to unravel and I see the dreams falling apart before my eyes I just can’t seem to find anything to hold on to.  I ask myself, “Is any of this even true?”  I mean what is the point of praying?  Why bother? 

It’s in these moments that I’m distracted from the past graces of numerous answered prayers.  I can’t seem to look forward to future graces yet to come.  I am wallowing in my emotions instead of standing on his promises.  I’m trying to stand on my circumstances which are never solidly reliable.  The edges are always fraying as the days roll over and change the weave from my expected image.    

When I have finished with my rant and worn from the wrestling between heart and head; I reach for the Psalms.  I always know that it is here that I will find a kindred spirit.  In this book rich with raw and honest emotions I know I am among the everyday hearts of faithful humanity seeking to understand.  Here in this ancient text I hear the cries of confusion; the boldness of hearts seeking answers from the One who made them.  Sometimes the voices are accusatory.  Why God, why?  Where are you?  Others groan in despair and suffering desperate for relief, while others bow in awe of the majesty of the God who made the heavens so beautiful.  But no matter the posture of the heart, here in the Psalms, the songs of the heart are working it out before the only One whose power rules the world.  It is a school of prayer, a lesson in speaking or singing the groaning of our hearts. Whether our heart is bitter or sweet it is here where our voices find their safe expression.  

And as I start with my questions, hostile or humble, my heart begins to gradually find a rhythm.   A melody, a back and forth that rocks my soul to a calm.  I remember, once again, that he is the Father and I, the child. He is in charge, the Most High God, the One who spoke everything into existence.  He is watching out for me.  He loves me.  And his weave is perfect.  It only appears to be fraying because I’m stomping on the edges and he pauses to catch my eye.

“Why am I discouraged?  Why is my heart so sad?  I will put my hope in God!  I will praise him again—my Savior and my God…But each day the Lord pours unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.”  Psalm 42:5,8NLT                                         

                            

← De-FunkedDiamonds in the Rough →
 

Featured Posts

Featured
IMG_9192.jpg
May 29, 2025
Desert Storms
May 29, 2025
May 29, 2025
IMG_9121.jpg
May 3, 2025
Book Club Mary
May 3, 2025
May 3, 2025
IMG_2700.jpg
Apr 30, 2025
The Yellow Brick Road
Apr 30, 2025
Apr 30, 2025
IMG_9036.jpg
Apr 14, 2025
Sleepless
Apr 14, 2025
Apr 14, 2025
IMG_0238.jpg
Mar 27, 2025
Neglect or Reflect
Mar 27, 2025
Mar 27, 2025
IMG_0226.jpg
Feb 22, 2025
Coverings
Feb 22, 2025
Feb 22, 2025
IMG_0222.jpg
Jan 17, 2025
Simpatico
Jan 17, 2025
Jan 17, 2025
IMG_0214.jpg
Jan 7, 2025
Thankful
Jan 7, 2025
Jan 7, 2025
IMG_8299.jpg
Sep 4, 2024
The elephant in the room
Sep 4, 2024
Sep 4, 2024
IMG_0201.jpg
Jul 31, 2024
Toxicity
Jul 31, 2024
Jul 31, 2024
IMG_0198.jpg
Jul 11, 2024
Known
Jul 11, 2024
Jul 11, 2024
IMG_0196.jpg
Jul 8, 2024
The balance beam
Jul 8, 2024
Jul 8, 2024
IMG_0192.jpg
May 20, 2024
Heritage
May 20, 2024
May 20, 2024
The blind man
Mar 21, 2024
The blind man
Mar 21, 2024
Mar 21, 2024
IMG_0176.jpeg
Oct 17, 2023
Atmospheric oppression
Oct 17, 2023
Oct 17, 2023
IMG_0174.jpeg
Sep 30, 2023
Watchman or wanderer
Sep 30, 2023
Sep 30, 2023
IMG_0169.jpeg
Sep 8, 2023
Ant hills
Sep 8, 2023
Sep 8, 2023
IMG_6354.jpeg
Aug 2, 2023
The reply
Aug 2, 2023
Aug 2, 2023
17AED1F8-9A68-4298-9760-0A86CCA0D292.jpeg
Jul 25, 2023
The river
Jul 25, 2023
Jul 25, 2023
DE2A9008-A584-48B8-B414-3959723F9EF3.jpeg
Jul 11, 2023
The fence
Jul 11, 2023
Jul 11, 2023
1C66C691-1EB7-4252-A721-97925BC34E19.jpeg
May 11, 2023
Possibilities
May 11, 2023
May 11, 2023
2B6ED0D7-EC7A-4D50-AD51-1EA995439E06.jpeg
Mar 18, 2023
Mindset
Mar 18, 2023
Mar 18, 2023
3D37DFEC-5F18-483F-8620-7DCB798513A6.jpeg
Mar 5, 2023
Perspectives, rumors and divisions
Mar 5, 2023
Mar 5, 2023
D51564E7-B988-46F3-804D-869D7C49CAB8.jpeg
Feb 18, 2023
Scattered seeds
Feb 18, 2023
Feb 18, 2023
F5F5AA4F-F136-42B4-B084-48626996104C.jpeg
Feb 4, 2023
The walls
Feb 4, 2023
Feb 4, 2023
72ED6B7D-B282-4F7C-8577-2ABAE940CC55.jpeg
Dec 12, 2022
Gift-giving
Dec 12, 2022
Dec 12, 2022
B2711EE0-8677-4DCA-B526-5770F6CD9CCE.jpeg
Nov 28, 2022
Thanksgiving is for everyday
Nov 28, 2022
Nov 28, 2022
026C3C87-EE50-4594-BCBC-D33B5145F325.jpeg
Oct 19, 2022
Well-watered
Oct 19, 2022
Oct 19, 2022
E269520E-2CB6-453B-8FC5-59833AADAF8C.jpeg
Sep 17, 2022
The healing
Sep 17, 2022
Sep 17, 2022
9C272387-DA01-4B76-AE43-5E9AEC9AAF3C.jpeg
Aug 10, 2022
The shattering
Aug 10, 2022
Aug 10, 2022

Powered by Squarespace