Blurry Eyed / by maureen maniquis

monet impressions.jpg

I’m looking out at this mini jungle behind my house.  I’ve always enjoyed the colors of the trees and palms pressed up against the backdrop of the sky.  There is something so peaceful about it.  It’s like a bird sanctuary in the early mornings and evenings as they gather in their community to chat to one another about their day. 

Lately, it’s been a bit of a blur.  I’ve had some eye surgery and its taking longer than I expected to see clearly.  Of course, everyone has been telling me of their successful outcomes and how quickly it all went for them.  Needless to say, this has not been helpful. 

But, I’m a person who truly does believe that all things, good, bad, easy or difficult, come into our lives by the hand of God.  I know there are many who would disagree but for me I believe in my depths that this is true.   As I sit here, blurry eyed, I can’t help but see the irony in this lack of clarity. 

There seems to be a change in the air.  I can feel it coming on through the rustling of the wind as it makes its way through the trees.  It’s been happening for some time now.  There’s an unsettled feeling in me that keeps drawing me to look further out.   

Day after day I put these prescription drops in my eyes like tiny prayers of hope seeking clearer vision.  And every morning I wake up to a blur.  But I keep looking out there expecting a change…I can feel it.  It’s a bit like an impressionist’s painting.  I can see an image taking shape but I can’t quite tell what it is yet.  Perhaps, if I step back a bit further the broader view will make more sense. 

People always say that change is good.  It helps you grow and keeps you fresh.  It’s not that I’m afraid of change; it was a normal part of our nomadic work life.  It’s not having clear vision of what’s out there that disorients me a bit.  If I could just clear up this blur then maybe this angst would subside. 

But let me see, what was it that I said at the outset?  Everything comes into our lives by the hand of God.  And that hand has always been good to me.  That hand has never run me into a ditch and left me for dead.  Sometimes the blur is necessary to slow me down and show me my need.  I have to grope for the hand of my Father in moments like these and seek his vision, his clarity and his direction.  He brings the winds of change and he will make my vision clear when the time is right.   I find such comfort in this thought.  The angst is beginning to drain away and calm is starting to trickle in.

I’m still in a blur but I’m adjusting to it, learning how to live in it.  So, I’ll continue my eye drops, a drop and a prayer, and hope that in time things will sharpen and a vision will appear.

“Open my eyes that I might see the wonderful truths in your instructions.”  Psalm 119:18 NLT